I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
