Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
