do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
