hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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