how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
