Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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