can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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