He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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