in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
