see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
