wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
