Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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