if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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