john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
