What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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