he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you had me at cake vodka
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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