i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
