Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
