ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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