You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She told me I should be a condom model.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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