Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
