Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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