Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
