Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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