After last night, I could never be a politician.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
