What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize