Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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