Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize