If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
