That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
