Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
