If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
