my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize