guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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