Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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