Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
