So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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