So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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