Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
