Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
