Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
