Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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