fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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