Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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