3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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