do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize