I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
