I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
