i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
