Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize