i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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