I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
