Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry damn__girl hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.

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(913): View more from Kansas

The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.

(201): View more from New Jersey

Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?

(609): View more from New Jersey

THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!

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