i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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