didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Damn victory sex feels great
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize