I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
