talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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