I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Found your dick twin last night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
