I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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