Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
