She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
