i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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