Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
