Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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