I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
