After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
