i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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