i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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