that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
