Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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